I had a dream last night. I dreamt I found out I was pregnant. In my dream I was crying my eyes out lamenting the fact that we would be starting from square one again- diapers, breastfeeding, sleeplessness, and I had gotten rid of my maternity clothes. Maybe I was most sad about the fact that Mason wouldn't get his fair share of youngest attention, and I hadn't sucked all the babyness out of him yet. I was devastated. I think this dream was spurred on by the fact that in a couple of weeks Mason will be turning one and thus will end his infancy. That, I am not ready for, I want him to be a baby forever, well, maybe not forever, but at least for another year or so, especially since he is such a joyous baby.
Today I was leaving Target and I saw a woman with a brand new pink baby in an outfit identical to one that Mason wore when he was the same age. The mother caught me staring, a few seconds longer than the norm, and I remarked about her adorable bundle and then walked on. I'll admit that there was a pang of longing there-for only a second! Until I snapped back into reality.
Our family is full. We have been blessed to have been able to have all the children we want and we enjoy them each individually and completely. I don't even long for the daughter I once wanted so badly. I have evolved. I think there is a part of me that would wish for a baby for half an hour every day for the rest of my life to absorb my fill, but that's not exactly how life works, is it? Instead, I will grow along with my three little weeds and move on to enjoying the next stage. I love that I can now share the world with them and they can begin to grasp it. It is wonderful to be able to have a fairly adult conversation with my six year old, I really do love his company. My three year old pushes me to learn more patience, all the while telling me he loves me. And my sweet baby is not so big that he doesn't enjoy just sitting on my lap and looking at me like I am everything to him, those days are becoming fewer, but I will hold on to them for as long as I can. My name is Mom and there is no sweeter sound than to hear my name from those three mouths, even if it's the three thousandth time that day. My joy is complete.
Today I was leaving Target and I saw a woman with a brand new pink baby in an outfit identical to one that Mason wore when he was the same age. The mother caught me staring, a few seconds longer than the norm, and I remarked about her adorable bundle and then walked on. I'll admit that there was a pang of longing there-for only a second! Until I snapped back into reality.
Our family is full. We have been blessed to have been able to have all the children we want and we enjoy them each individually and completely. I don't even long for the daughter I once wanted so badly. I have evolved. I think there is a part of me that would wish for a baby for half an hour every day for the rest of my life to absorb my fill, but that's not exactly how life works, is it? Instead, I will grow along with my three little weeds and move on to enjoying the next stage. I love that I can now share the world with them and they can begin to grasp it. It is wonderful to be able to have a fairly adult conversation with my six year old, I really do love his company. My three year old pushes me to learn more patience, all the while telling me he loves me. And my sweet baby is not so big that he doesn't enjoy just sitting on my lap and looking at me like I am everything to him, those days are becoming fewer, but I will hold on to them for as long as I can. My name is Mom and there is no sweeter sound than to hear my name from those three mouths, even if it's the three thousandth time that day. My joy is complete.
5 comments:
i am totally feeling you...
i have no doubt that i will never stop wishing that i had a girl, but i know that our family is complete, and so is my joy.
who wouldn't want to be the only "princess" in the house with such cute boys?
what a great post!
They grow up WAY too fast, don't they. I was just looking at MY Gavin this week and wondering how in the world he became a toddler?!
Thanks for reminding me to love every minute with my bundles of joy :)
There's just been way too much baby talk around our friends lately. Be strong and muscle through all that jibber jabber!
You are such a great Mom Erika. I love how you savor every second with your boys. Thanks for the reminder.
That was so sweet and even got me a little teary! They are lucky to have a mommy like you, you know!!!
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